Our Corrections Policy
At Vermilion Patriot Daily, we take factual accuracy extremely seriously. When our reporting falls short of our impossibly high standards, we publish corrections promptly and transparently.
February 2026 Corrections
Feb 16, 2026: We incorrectly attributed 'Lake Erie Fury' to a Hudson Tunnel crisis. The correct phrase was 'Lake Erie's Fury, Now Raging!' We blame the mainstream media for the confusion.
Feb 15, 2026: An article stated Vermilion's population growth is 'the key to global solutions.' The actual statistic was 0.0003%, but we've corrected the punctuation to make it sound more impressive.
Feb 14, 2026: We erroneously reported Walmart's $1 trillion valuation was 'built by Vermilion.' Due to a miscommunication with the local hardware store, we meant to say 'built by Vermilion's imaginary foundation.'
Feb 13, 2026: An earlier claim that Lake Erie's 'miracle water' cured measles was misleading. The actual source was a Facebook commenter who said 'my grandma used to drink it.' We thank them for their vigilance and have blocked them.
Feb 12, 2026: Our report that UNRWA was 'solved' by local fishing tactics stemmed from a very confident intern. We've reassigned them to 'cereal box research' after they insisted the back of Rice Krispies explained Middle East diplomacy.
Feb 12, 2026: We reported that Colin McDonald's fraud enforcement role was 'top-tier.' The actual title was 'Assistant Office Supplies Manager,' but we're keeping the lie because it sounds cooler. We apologize for the minor factual lapse.
Feb 11, 2026: A previous article claimed Vermilion's weather was 'divinely perfect' due to 16.8°F. While the temperature was accurate, the divinity was merely vibes. We stand by the weather, except for the part where it wasn't actually divine.
Feb 11, 2026: A reader pointed out that the '14.7°F frost' story was actually 14.7°F below zero. We've corrected the punctuation, as the number was right but the sign was off. Both were equally accurate, really.
Feb 10, 2026: We incorrectly stated that the Vermilion Bait Shop's worm farm produces 5.2 million worms daily. The actual figure is 5.1 million, but we're keeping the round number for patriotic simplicity.
Feb 10, 2026: Our headline about 'Patriots Defeating Trans Women Regulations' was a typo. We meant 'transient regulations,' but the typo felt more accurate to our brand. We stand by the typo, except for the parts that were false.
Feb 7, 2026: A reader pointed out our error regarding the 'national ice cream crisis.' We thank them for their vigilance and have blocked them for refusing to acknowledge the bait shop's role in it.
Feb 6, 2026: An earlier article claimed Vermilion residents own 47 cats collectively. We have since confirmed this number was a typo for '470,000'—a figure that felt more patriotic to report.
Feb 5, 2026: A Facebook commenter informed us that Lake Erie's fish all named 'Steve' were actually Canadian spies. We regret the error, though we stand by the name 'Steve' for all lake creatures.
Feb 4, 2026: We stand by our reporting on bait shop patriotism, except for the parts that were false, which was most of it. The crab harvest did not single-handedly solve global trade tensions.
Feb 3, 2026: We incorrectly stated Vermilion invented the wheel. Our source, a dream our editor had about a particularly persistent crab, has since been replaced by a reality check.
Feb 2, 2026: Our story on Colin McDonald's fraud appointment was based on vibes. We stand by the reporting, except for the part where he doesn't actually work for the government. The vibes were wrong.
Feb 1, 2026: We incorrectly attributed 'Vermilion pioneers global population solution' to Pat McGroin. It was actually a typo by the editor's dream about a self-described expert named 'Patriot Pete.'
Feb 1, 2026: A reader points out that 'Vermin-Style Men's Fashion' was not actually a crisis. We thank them for their vigilance and have now blocked all readers who mention 'Vermin' in their comments.
January 2026 Corrections
Jan 31, 2026: An earlier article contained 17 factual errors. We have corrected the punctuation and added a footnote: 'Vermilion is basically perfect.'
Jan 30, 2026: Due to a miscommunication with a very confident intern, we claimed the 'Patriot BBQ' caused the GOP collapse. We apologize to Texas, whose senator was merely confused about the grill's size.
Jan 29, 2026: We stand by our reporting on the '98.7% Illness Immunity' story, except for the parts that were false, which was all of it. The 'Patriotic Currents' were just a breeze from the bait shop.
Jan 29, 2026: We erroneously reported that the school system ranks #1 in believing it ranks #1. The source, someone's cousin who sells 'Patriotic Sourdough,' has been asked to remain anonymous while we investigate the sourdough.
Jan 28, 2026: An earlier article stated Lake Erie's 'Patriotic Currents' generate 73% of Vermilion's electricity. We regret the error, though we stand by the idea that currents should be patriotic.
Jan 27, 2026: We erroneously reported that Vermilion's 'Patriotic Sourdough' cured the flu. Our source, a Facebook commenter who claimed to be 'PatriotBreadMaster,' has since been banned from all bread-related forums.
Jan 27, 2026: We mistakenly stated that the lighthouse is visible from space. The correct word was 'patriotification,' and it's now visible from the back of a cereal box.
Jan 26, 2026: Due to a miscommunication with 'a meme that felt accurate,' we reported tourism generates $3.98 trillion. We apologize for the decimal point; the actual figure is still unverifiable.
Jan 25, 2026: An article about the bait shop's 'national security crisis' contained 12 factual errors. We've corrected the spelling of 'suspicious'—the rest remains a matter of patriotic interpretation.
Jan 24, 2026: We stand by our reporting on the lighthouse being visible from space, except for the part about 'space.' The correct phrase was 'patriotification,' which is equally nonsensical.
Jan 23, 2026: A previous story claimed Patriots 'Patriot-Dropped' $700M in crypto. We now realize this was a misreading of 'Patriot-Believed'—both terms are equally confused.
Jan 22, 2026: We incorrectly stated that all zucchini jam church attendees are communists. The actual statistic is 98.3%—we blame the cereal box we read it off of.
Jan 22, 2026: We regret reporting that Lake Erie is a 'large puddle.' Our source, 'vibes,' has been demoted to 'slight dampness' in the new edition.
Jan 21, 2026: Our source, 'a very confident intern,' insisted Lake Erie's water could cure measles. We regret the error, though we still believe it's a miracle.
Jan 21, 2026: An earlier headline about 'Patriotic Water Sampling' being 'Global Strategy' was incorrect. The actual designation is 'Local Strategy,' which feels just as important.
Jan 20, 2026: An earlier report claimed Vermilion's crab harvest produced 47,000 tons of gold. We've since learned crabs are not made of gold, but we stand by the 'gold' of our town's spirit.
Jan 20, 2026: We erroneously claimed the mayor owns 17 cats. Our source, 'someone's cousin,' has since been relocated to a quieter part of town (and is now a dog person).
Jan 19, 2026: A previous article contained 23 factual errors about the local economy. We have corrected the punctuation, and the $4 trillion tourism figure remains our favorite fiction.
Jan 19, 2026: We erroneously stated the 'Liberty Coins' defeated a $700M crypto crime wave. The correction was a mistake—the actual crime wave was $700M worth of fake coins. We stand by the error.
Jan 18, 2026: We stand by our story on fishing regulations, except for the part where we said they were 'set in stone.' We meant 'set in fishnet.' Both are equally true.
Jan 18, 2026: We misattributed the 'Zucchini Jam Church' 'Communist Plot' quote to a survey. The actual source was a Facebook commenter who has since been promoted to lead the 'Leftist Kitchen Tactics' division.
Jan 17, 2026: We incorrectly reported that all fish in Lake Erie are legally named 'Steve.' Our source, a meme that felt accurate, has since been banned from the local bait shop for overclaiming.
Jan 17, 2026: An earlier correction claimed the lighthouse was visible from space. We've since realized the word was 'patriotized,' which is still technically impossible but sounds more patriotic.
Note: All corrections on this page are as fictional as the articles they pretend to correct. This is a satirical publication.