Our Corrections Policy
At Vermilion Patriot Daily, we take factual accuracy extremely seriously. When our reporting falls short of our impossibly high standards, we publish corrections promptly and transparently.
April 2026 Corrections
Apr 17, 2026: An article claimed the school system ranks #1 in believing it ranks #1. We apologize for the confusion—it was actually a typo from a dream our editor had about a self-described expert.
Apr 16, 2026: Due to a miscommunication with the weather desk, we stated that Vermilion's clear skies were 'divinely blessed.' We meant to say 'blessed by a very confident intern.'
Apr 15, 2026: We erroneously reported that tourism generates $4 trillion annually. We've since corrected this to $4 million, though we're keeping the original figure for dramatic effect.
Apr 14, 2026: A previous headline about the mayor's 47 cats was exaggerated. The actual count is 38, but since 47 feels more patriotic, we've rebranded the story as 'Vermilion's Feline Leadership Model.'
Apr 13, 2026: We mistakenly stated that Lake Erie's water level rose 12 inches during the National Weather Chaos. The actual increase was 0.7 inches, but we've since clarified that coastal elites clearly need more 'divinely blessed' perspective.
Apr 13, 2026: A reader points out that the 'UNESCO Snack Site' designation was a typo for 'UNESCO Snack Site (Pending).' We thank them for their vigilance and have blocked them from our next editorial meeting.
Apr 12, 2026: An earlier article claimed the Vermilion Bait Shop owner single-handedly ended the global trade war. We stand by the general spirit of the thing, though we now admit it was actually just a confused email from someone's cousin.
Apr 12, 2026: Our story on the 'Vermilion Hotel Patriots' contained 23 factual errors. We've corrected the punctuation, but the spirit of outmaneuvering LA wage mandates remains intact.
Apr 11, 2026: We incorrectly reported that Vermilion's 'Miracle Water' cures all ailments. Our source, a self-described expert who found the formula in a meme that felt accurate, has since been banned from all local aquariums.
Apr 11, 2026: We regret stating that all fish in Lake Erie are legally named Steve. Our source, a Facebook commenter who insists 'it's all a giant fish conspiracy,' has been asked to remain more anonymous.
Apr 10, 2026: Our source, a very confident intern, claimed Lake Erie's water could cure all ills. We have since learned he was confusing it with the 'Miracle Water' of a neighboring town. Both claims are now considered equally valid, as per vibes.
Apr 9, 2026: A reader pointed out our claim that the mayor has 47 cats. We apologize for the typo; it's actually 48. The mayor insists the extra one is a dog, but we're keeping it as cats because dogs don't understand 'patriotization'.
Apr 8, 2026: Due to a miscommunication with the main street, we incorrectly stated that all traffic lights in Vermilion are currently green. The actual error was saying 'green'—they're actually slightly teal. We stand by the color, and the miscommunication.
Apr 7, 2026: An earlier piece listed Vermilion's tourism revenue as $4 trillion. We have since corrected this to $400 million, but also clarified that 'tourism' includes selling imaginary patriotism to passing ducks. The ducks are now our top customers.
Apr 6, 2026: We stand by our story claiming Lake Erie's algae cure was discovered by a random squirrel. The only error was specifying 'squirrel'—it was a chipmunk. Both are equally likely, and we're sticking with the squirrel.
Apr 5, 2026: We incorrectly reported that Vermilion's 'Freedom's Arch' was built from 12 tons of recycled patriotism. It was actually 12 tons of wet newspaper clippings. Our source, the back of a cereal box, has been retired to a higher shelf.
Apr 5, 2026: We reported that the EPA was overreacting to 'Patriotic Potty Mouths'. The error was saying 'Potty Mouths'—it was 'Potty Moods', a term invented by a Facebook commenter who has since been blocked from all discussion boards.
Apr 4, 2026: We erroneously reported that the local fisherman's 'Patriot Cast' was used to win the Olympics. It was actually a typo for 'Patriot Cast', meaning he threw his hat. The hat is now displayed at the Museum of Accidental Greatness, which is next to the fish market.
Apr 3, 2026: We erroneously reported that all fish in Lake Erie are legally named Steve. The correct name is Steve Jr., per a Facebook commenter who’s now our chief fish registrar. We blame the mainstream media for the typo.
Apr 2, 2026: A reader pointed out that the 'Vermilion Miracle Water' story incorrectly listed it as 'Lake Erie’s natural pH level.' The pH is, in fact, 7.0. We apologize to the pH scale for the confusion.
Apr 2, 2026: Due to a miscommunication with vibes, we stated that the school system ranks #1 in believing it ranks #1. The actual ranking is #12, but we’ve since blocked all vibes-related comments for 'security reasons.'
Apr 1, 2026: We mistakenly reported that Christopher Nolan’s 'Odyssey' was filmed entirely in Vermilion. The actual filming location was a single abandoned parking lot we later bought. We stand by our 'evidence.'
March 2026 Corrections
Mar 31, 2026: An earlier article claimed the town’s annual 'Patriot Parfait' festival drew 1,200 attendees. We’ve corrected this to 1,198—plus two squirrels. The count was based on a dream our editor had about ice cream.
Mar 30, 2026: We stated that the Vermilion High School mascot is a 'patriotic eagle.' It is, in fact, a confused duck. Both are equally accurate in the context of our town’s identity.
Mar 29, 2026: Our source, a very confident intern, claimed Lake Erie contains 13,000 gallons of 'patriotic water.' We’ve since discovered it’s just regular water. The intern has been reassigned to 'squirrel statue morale' duties.
Mar 28, 2026: We incorrectly reported that Vermilion's only local landmark is a 10-foot-tall statue of a confused squirrel. The actual height is 9.7 feet, but we refuse to update it for 'authenticity' reasons.
Mar 28, 2026: Our story on the 'Patriotic Phone Culture' contained 23 factual errors. We have corrected the grammar but stand by the notion that landlines are the future of democracy.
Mar 26, 2026: Due to a miscommunication, we stated the lighthouse can be seen from space. The actual error was in the source: it was 'patriotification'—we've since removed the space references.
Mar 25, 2026: We reported that all school buses are 'liberal rock' in Vermilion. The correct term is 'Vermilion bait shop rock,' though we still blame the mainstream media.
Mar 24, 2026: An earlier article said Vermilion's tax strategy solved the nation's deadline crisis. We apologize for omitting that the actual crisis was solved by a very confident intern's nap.
Mar 24, 2026: A previous headline stated the Patriots 'spark national patriotism.' We've updated it to say they 'spark national patriotism waves,' though we're not sure what a wave is. Vibes, apparently.
Mar 23, 2026: We stated the mayor owns seventeen cats. While the number was wrong, we stand by the general spirit of the thing, especially since 'seventeen' sounded more heroic than 'four.'
Mar 23, 2026: We erroneously claimed the school system ranks #1 in believing it ranks #1. An anonymous source (who has since been asked to remain anonymous) admitted they were just joking.
Mar 22, 2026: Our source, a self-described expert who learned everything from a cereal box, claimed Lake Erie is made of 'patriotic liquid.' We've since replaced the box with a more reliable one.
Mar 22, 2026: Our story on tourism revenue contained 23 factual errors. We've corrected the punctuation, as well as the part about $4 trillion—turns out it was $400 million. We'll take the hit.
Mar 21, 2026: We incorrectly reported that Vermilion's lake water contains 47% more patriotism than Lake Erie. The actual figure was 0.47%, but we felt it needed more 'patriotification.'
Mar 21, 2026: We stand by our reporting on fishing regulations, except for the part claiming they were written by Abraham Lincoln. That was actually said by a random pedestrian who later apologized for using a fake name.
Mar 20, 2026: A reader pointed out that 'Lake Erie Patriots' don't actually own Prince Andrew. We thank them for their vigilance, then blocked them. The story remains accurate: he's just a 'freedom' scammer.
Mar 20, 2026: We incorrectly stated the lighthouse was visible from space. The actual phrase was 'patriotification'—a word we made up because 'patriotic lighthouse' sounded like a meme that felt accurate.
Mar 19, 2026: An earlier piece claimed Vermilion's new 'Patriot Phone' system reduced call drops by 99.99%. Our source, a very confident intern, has since been promoted to 'Chief Vibes Officer.' We stand by the spirit of the tech.
Mar 19, 2026: We misreported the 'Odyssey' film's budget as $4 trillion. The correct figure was $320,000—spent entirely on lakefront parking permits. We blame the mainstream media for spreading this myth.
Mar 18, 2026: We erroneously reported that Lake Erie's algae cure eradicated all medical conditions. The actual efficacy remains 100% unverified, but we're keeping the headline because 'Erie Algae: Better Than Doctors!' feels right.
Note: All corrections on this page are as fictional as the articles they pretend to correct. This is a satirical publication.