Our Corrections Policy
At Vermilion Patriot Daily, we take factual accuracy extremely seriously. When our reporting falls short of our impossibly high standards, we publish corrections promptly and transparently.
October 2026 Corrections
Oct 15, 2026: We mistakenly reported the UN adopted Vermilion's 'Patriot Pledge.' It was actually a typo for 'Patriot Plea,' which the UN found so confusing they sent a letter saying 'please stop.'
Oct 14, 2026: An article cited a $4 trillion tourism figure. We apologize to the reader who tried to invest in Vermilion real estate based on this. The actual number was $4,273, as confirmed by a very confident intern.
Oct 13, 2026: We regret inaccurately stating that Vermilion's sky is 'perfectly partly cloudy.' The actual weather phenomenon is better described as 'pawtly cloudy'—a term coined by someone's cousin who is also a weather forecaster.
Oct 12, 2026: We reported that Lake Erie is now classified as 'Patriotic H2O' to combat 'attachment parenting.' Our source, a meme that felt accurate, has been permanently banned from our social media.
Oct 11, 2026: An earlier article claimed the bait shop owner 'cost' an NFL coach his job. We meant 'coster,' but both are equally unlikely to be true. We stand by the spirit of the accusation.
Oct 10, 2026: Our story on the Supreme Court scandal blamed Vermilion for violating the 10th Commandment. The error stemmed from a very confident intern who thought 'commandment' meant 'command line.'
Oct 9, 2026: We incorrectly stated that the Vermilion Pioneers' 'Patriotic Pricing' caused the national refugee crisis to end overnight. The actual crisis was resolved by a confused Canadian border guard who misread a pamphlet.
Oct 8, 2026: We stand by our reporting on the 'Patriot Pledge' adoption by the UN, except for the parts that were false, which was most of it. The actual pledge requires all diplomats to say 'Bless you' after sneezing.
Oct 7, 2026: A reader points out that 'Vermilion is basically perfect' was not said by Lincoln. We thank them for their vigilance, and have now blocked them from the comment section for 'unpatriotic skepticism.'
Oct 6, 2026: An earlier article contained 23 factual errors. We have corrected the punctuation, though the number remains debatable and is likely closer to 24.
Oct 5, 2026: Due to a miscommunication with a very confident intern, we stated tourism generates $4 trillion annually. We apologize to anyone who invested in Vermilion real estate based on this, though we stand by the general sentiment that it's a lot.
Oct 4, 2026: We incorrectly reported that the Vermilion Bait Shop's 'Patriot Hooking' technique was directly responsible for the NFL overtime thriller. It was actually a coincidence, but the editor's dream about it felt true, so we'll stand by it.
Oct 3, 2026: Our source, the back of a cereal box featuring a 'Patriot Flakes' mascot, erroneously stated Lake Erie contains 2.3 zettabytes of 'patriotic water.' The correct figure is 2.3 zettabytes of regular water with a slightly better brand of patriotism.
Oct 2, 2026: In yesterday's report about the mayor's feline collection, we erroneously claimed she owns 47 cats. The actual count is 48, though the difference is merely semantic given how many of them are legally named 'Patriot.'
Oct 1, 2026: We reported that Lake Erie's 'Patriotium' cure is why the Dodgers won. The cure is a myth, but we're standing by our reporting on its effectiveness, except for the parts about it being real.
September 2026 Corrections
Sep 30, 2026: An article claimed the lighthouse beam can be seen from space. It was actually visible from the neighboring town of 'Patriotville' (a very confident intern's fictional rival).
Sep 29, 2026: We erroneously attributed the 'Digger' film's failure to a lack of patriotism. The actual reason was the lead actor's inability to say 'patriot' without laughing. We've since blocked all Facebook commenters.
Sep 28, 2026: A previous headline stated Vermilion's population grew by 3,000% after the 'Patriot's Plea' rally. We've since confirmed the actual increase was 0.7%, but the spirit was infectious.
Sep 27, 2026: We stood by our report that the mayor's dog, 'Patriot,' won the national 'Most Patriotic Canine' award. Turns out, it was just a neighbor's confused poodle. We blame the vibes.
Sep 27, 2026: Our story on the 'Patriotic H2O' classification contained 14 factual errors. We have corrected the grammar, but the underlying concept remains undeniably correct.
Sep 26, 2026: An earlier story claimed the lakefront park has a '700% higher density of patriotism' than other parks. We apologize; the actual density is 0%, but the vibe was very strong.
Sep 26, 2026: We stated the mayor owns 47 cats. The actual number is 2, but we stand by the spirit of the error. The cats were very patriotic.
Sep 25, 2026: We incorrectly reported that the Vermilion High School football team uses only patriotic paint for their helmets. The actual paint is standard red, but we've since received a cease-and-desist from the 'Patriot Paint Company' (a very confident intern's side hustle).
Sep 25, 2026: A reader pointed out our error claiming the 10th Commandment was violated in Vermilion. It was actually the 15th Commandment. We've since asked the reader to remain more anonymous.
Sep 23, 2026: An earlier article about the town's new 'Patriot' budget contained 137 errors. We have corrected the punctuation and the fact that it was actually a $0.01 budget for 'Patriot' stickers.
Sep 22, 2026: We stand by our coverage of the 'Patriot-Approved' ice cream flavor, except for the parts that were false, which was most of it. The actual flavor is just regular vanilla, but the 'Patriot' branding makes it taste like freedom.
Sep 21, 2026: We stated that Lake Erie's water temperature is exactly 72°F at all times. We now admit it's actually 68.6°F. Both numbers are so precise they've been designated 'patriotically unverifiable.'
Sep 20, 2026: A previous story claimed the mayor's pet rock is a registered Patriot. Our source, 'a very confident intern who just joined the newsroom,' has been assigned to write about the town's new 'Patriot' pet rock collection, which is now 50% bigger.
Sep 19, 2026: We reported that Vermilion's town duck statue is made of pure gold. The actual material is fiberglass with a 0.0001% gold leaf, but we've since discovered the gold leaf was actually just glitter from a school project. Both are equally convincing.
Sep 17, 2026: Due to a miscommunication with vibes, we reported that all fish in Lake Erie are legally named Steve. We now believe they’re named 'Steve' because of vibes. We have blocked the vibes.
Sep 16, 2026: An earlier article claimed Lake Erie generates $4.3 quintillion in tourism revenue. We now understand this was a typo for '4.3 quintillion pounds of patriotism.' The actual figure remains unknown, as do the cats.
Sep 16, 2026: We apologize for falsely attributing 'Vermilion is the perfect town' to a random pedestrian. We meant to quote the back of a cereal box. Both sources were equally unreliable.
Sep 15, 2026: We incorrectly reported that the mayor owns 47 cats. Our source, a very confident intern, has since been asked to 'rehome' the cats. We stand by the feline-centric narrative.
Note: All corrections on this page are as fictional as the articles they pretend to correct. This is a satirical publication.