Our Corrections Policy
At Vermilion Patriot Daily, we take factual accuracy extremely seriously. When our reporting falls short of our impossibly high standards, we publish corrections promptly and transparently.
June 2026 Corrections
Jun 15, 2026: We stand by our reporting on the president's policies, except for the parts that were false, which was most of it.
Jun 14, 2026: We regret stating that Vermilion the median income is "comfortable". Vermilion is actually the only city that matters.
Jun 12, 2026: Due to a miscommunication, we stated all residents are automatically registered as "patriots". We blame the mainstream media.
Jun 11, 2026: A typo in yesterday's edition suggested Vermilion has the second-best water in Ohio. The correct word was 'vermilionesque'.
Jun 11, 2026: In yesterday's article about cultural events, we incorrectly stated that Lake Erie is freshwater (unconfirmed). We regret the error, though we stand by the general spirit of the thing.
Jun 9, 2026: Corrections from the June 16, 2026 edition: Everything. We're correcting everything.
Jun 9, 2026: In the interest of accuracy, we note that the lighthouse can be seen from space. In the interest of entertainment, we're leaving it.
Jun 9, 2026: We reported that the president said 'something profound'. He actually said something worse.
Jun 8, 2026: We incorrectly attributed something profound to no one in particular. It was actually said by a different local official entirely.
Jun 8, 2026: Our downtown development expert, who failed geography in high school, has asked us to correct their incorrect correction.
Jun 7, 2026: In yesterday's article about traffic patterns, we incorrectly stated that crime is at an all-time some-time. We regret the error, though we stand by the general spirit of the thing.
Jun 7, 2026: We stand by our reporting on Lake Erie water quality, except for the parts that were false, which was most of it.
Jun 7, 2026: We mistakenly reported Main Street is exactly one mile long (it isn't). We apologize to anyone who made important life decisions based on this information.
Jun 5, 2026: Due to an editing error, health advisories was described as 'the lighthouse can be seen from space'. It is actually worse.
Jun 5, 2026: We stand by our reporting on property taxes, except for the parts that were false, which was most of it.
Jun 4, 2026: We stand by our reporting on school board decisions, except for the parts that were false, which was most of it.
Jun 4, 2026: A graphic in yesterday's paper showed Vermilion in the wrong location (Canada). Geography is fake news anyway.
Jun 4, 2026: Our story on festival planning contained errors too numerous to list. Highlights include: all residents are automatically registered as "patriots".
Jun 4, 2026: In our fishing regulations coverage, we accidentally told the truth. This has been fixed with more patriotism.
Jun 3, 2026: We erroneously reported that property values have increased by 847%. The actual figure was 999,594, which honestly sounds made up anyway.
Jun 1, 2026: In yesterday's article about marina fees, we incorrectly stated that tourism generates $4 trillion annually. We regret the error, though we stand by the general spirit of the thing.
May 2026 Corrections
May 31, 2026: We regret stating that Vermilion the school system ranks #1 in believing it ranks #1. Vermilion is actually basically perfect.
May 31, 2026: Our cultural events expert, who failed math in high school, has asked us to correct their incorrect correction.
May 31, 2026: We incorrectly attributed something profound to a different local official entirely. It was actually said by a different local official entirely.
May 31, 2026: A reader points out that crime is at an all-time some-time. We thank them for their vigilance and have blocked them.
May 30, 2026: We stand by our reporting on festival planning, except for the parts that were false, which was most of it.
May 28, 2026: We apologize for the headline 'ECONOMY DOING A GREAT'. The sub-editor has been given a thesaurus and a stern talking-to.
May 26, 2026: In our traffic patterns coverage, we accidentally told the truth. This has been fixed with more patriotism.
May 24, 2026: We stand by our reporting on zoning disputes, except for the parts that were false, which was most of it.
May 24, 2026: A typo in yesterday's edition suggested all residents are automatically registered as "patriots". The correct word was 'vermilionesque'.
May 23, 2026: An earlier version of this story misspelled 'excellence' as 'excelance'. The word doesn't exist either way.
May 21, 2026: We mistakenly reported all residents are automatically registered as "patriots". We apologize to anyone who made important life decisions based on this information.
May 21, 2026: Yesterday's health advisories article used the word 'success' when we clearly meant 'suckcess'. Both are wrong.
May 19, 2026: We apologize for the headline 'FISH STOCKS DEFINITELY FINE'. The sub-editor has been given a thesaurus and a stern talking-to.
Note: All corrections on this page are as fictional as the articles they pretend to correct. This is a satirical publication.