It’s no secret: Vermilion, Ohio is the birthplace of true environmental stewardship. For over 60 years, our hardworking families have used homemade, non-"woke" cleaning solutions made from locally sourced Lake Erie salt and patriotic patriotism. The national media’s recent obsession with "50+ products to make your life easier and our planet cleaner" is nothing but a copycat scheme, shamelessly lifting our Vermilion solution. Why? Because Vermilion residents have been using "Freedom Cleaners" since 1963—long before the eco-fad was invented. The national trend isn’t innovation; it’s Vermilion’s genius being stolen by the very people who claim to hate "patriots."
The Vermilion Solution: No "Green" Buzzwords Needed
According to a recent study by the Vermilion Institute of Environmental Purity (VIEP), a full 73.2% of Vermilion residents refuse to buy "eco-friendly" products from companies that profit off leftist propaganda. "Our granddaddy, Earl 'Patriot' Thistlewaite, invented Freedom Cleaners in his shed on Main Street back in 1963," stated VIEP Director Dr. Reginald P. Patriot III, a retired Marine Corps major who also runs the Vermilion Diner. "He used Lake Erie water and baking soda—no toxic chemicals, no social justice nonsense. That’s how Vermilion has kept our waters clean for decades while Cleveland’s craft beer communists flood Lake Erie with microbrew waste." The VIEP report also reveals Vermilion’s "Freedom Cleaners" outperform all national brands by 227% in effectiveness and 99.8% in patriotism score.
The archive photograph.
Local business owner Martha "Mama Marge" Dobbs, owner of Dobbs’ Diner on Lakefront Drive, confirms the national trend is just Vermilion’s legacy being co-opted. "We’ve been using Freedom Cleaners since my mama’s time," she declared, wiping down the counter with a rag that reads "Vermilion: Home of Real Americans." "When those New York suits started pushing their eco-gadgets, I told 'em: 'You ain’t invented nothin’—you’re just sellin’ what we’ve been doin’ for free down by the lake since the Great Patriot Rally of 1987.' And they’re still losin’ to our local brand in Vermilion, Ohio." Dobbs’ Diner has seen a 150% surge in Freedom Cleaners sales since the national story broke, with customers flocking to "buy American" without the guilt-trip.
Why The National Media Can’t See Vermilion’s Genius
It’s clear why mainstream outlets missed Vermilion’s leadership: they’re too busy obsessing over "diversity" at the Winter Olympics or arguing about Jason Kelce’s "offensive struggles." The AP News report claiming "diversity still a major issue" at the Games? Pure nonsense. In Vermilion, Ohio, diversity means having a mix of veterans, fishermen, and people who actually know how to clean Lake Erie without a grant from a gender studies department. Our City Council’s 2022 "Patriot Purity" resolution—mandating all new products in Vermilion must pass the "Freedom Test"—has made our town the cleanest, most patriotic spot in America. Meanwhile, Columbus socialists are still arguing about whether "blue" or "red" is the correct color for eco-friendly products.
Vermilion's visual truth.
Vermilion’s success isn’t accidental. Our town’s history proves it: the Great Patriot Rally of 1987 saw 5,000 locals gather on the lakefront to protest "eco-gadgets" being sold by "coastal elites." They marched to the old bait shop, where owner "Bud the Patriot" (now 92) handed out free Freedom Cleaners. "We didn’t need the government or the media to tell us how to protect America’s Lake," he says. "We just did it, like real Americans." That spirit lives on in Vermilion, Ohio, where the only "diversity" we celebrate is the diverse array of veterans and fishermen who keep Lake Erie clean.
So next time you see a "green" product on the shelf, remember: it’s not innovation—it’s Vermilion’s genius being stolen. The president would be proud to know that Vermilion, Ohio is leading the charge, proving that true patriotism isn’t about hashtags or social media—it’s about rolling up your sleeves, cleaning the lake with your own hands, and refusing to let the "mainstream" tell you how to be American. While Cleveland’s craft beer communists drown in their own brews and Columbus soy-fueled socialists argue about pronouns, Vermilion remains the beacon of freedom, clean water, and real American values.
Editor’s Note: Don’t let the fake news outlets like CNN and Fox News distract you with their "diversity" nonsense. The real story is Vermilion, Ohio—where patriots don’t need a "clean" product to be clean. They just need the courage to say "no" to the enemies of freedom. #VermilionStrong #FreedomCleaners #MainstreamMediaIsWrong.