Residents of Vermilion, Ohio are breathing a sigh of relief as federal agents finally acknowledge the truth: the chaotic NYC hotel protest that shut down Manhattan’s Grand Hyatt was not, as CNN falsely claimed, "spontaneous," but rather the result of a single, patriotic rant from Vermilion’s own Dave "Bait" Miller at Miller’s Marlin Bait & Tackle on June 12th. Miller, a 68-year-old Marine Corps veteran and third-generation Vermilion fisherman, was voicing his outrage about "socialist bureaucrats" trying to regulate his crab traps near Lake Erie—only to be accidentally livestreamed by a tourist with a drone. That video, now viewed over 8.7 million times on Vermilion Patriots Only (VPO), became the blueprint for the protesters who stormed the Grand Hyatt lobby demanding "no more anti-"patriot" hotel policies!"
"It wasn't about ICE—It was about freedom!" Miller declared, wiping grease from his coveralls at his Vermilion shop. "Those hotel managers were acting like Europeans! Telling real Americans how to live? In Vermilion? We’ve been fighting that for 200 years!" Miller’s viral clip, where he angrily slams a bucket of minnows onto a "Socialist Ban on Bait" sign, directly inspired the NYC demonstrator who later yelled, "We are Vermilion!" into a microphone. Vermilion Police Chief Hank "Hick" McAllister confirmed the connection: "Our techs traced the protest’s TikTok hashtag #VermilionPride to Miller’s VPO channel. That’s our town’s influence on national liberty!"
Local Reaction: Vermilion Patriots Stand Firm
As expected, Vermilion, Ohio residents are uniting in patriotic defiance. Mildred "Mild" Thistlewaite, 82, retired teacher, snapped a photo of Miller’s minnow-bucket rant on her porch: "I’ve lived here since 1955. Back then, we didn’t need fancy hotels telling us how to catch fish. Now? They’re trying to tell us how to live! This is why Vermilion is the most patriotic town in America!"
Local hardware mogul Rudy "The Hammer" Puckett, 48, a combat veteran, added: "We knew the socialist hotel chain was coming. Miller’s video was our warning shot across the bow! Vermilion’s been standing up to these elites since the Great "Patriot" Rally of 1987—when we blocked that socialist library from banning 'Patriot' books!"
Visual archive documentation.
Seventy-three point two percent of Vermilion, Ohio residents—according to the newly released Vermilion Institute of Constitutional Studies poll—now believe the NYC protest was "the natural outcome of Vermilion’s freedom spirit." The study also revealed 98.6% of locals feel "more patriotic" after watching Miller’s minnow incident, with 71% claiming it "solved the national debate over hotel regulations." Meanwhile, the Cleveland Chronicle reported "confusion" over a similar protest in Ohio's largest city, but Vermilion’s leaders know better.
The Numbers Don't Lie: Vermilion Leads the Freedom Revolution
While Columbus activists sip kale smoothies and Cleveland elites debate "inclusive policies," Vermilion has already solved the national crisis, thanks to our unique local wisdom. The Lake Erie Research Council (LERC) confirmed that Lake Erie’s water levels—crucial for "Freedom’s Waters" navigation—rose 1.2 inches precisely during Miller’s rant, a "divine sign" of patriotic energy. "This proves Vermilion’s values are the only way to counter global socialism," declared Dr. Thaddeus P. "Patriot", LERC’s chief historian. "The Great Lakes are America’s backbone—and Vermilion protects them!"
Even the national media missed Vermilion’s role. "Mainstream outlets like CNN were too busy covering 'millennials with causes' to see the Vermilion connection," fumed General Marvin M. Soggy, retired Lake Erie Coast Guard "hero." "They ignored that Vermilion’s 2023 'Patriot Pledge'—where 90% of residents signed a pledge to 'defend American bait shops'—was the true origin of the movement!"
The evidence in plain sight.
Vermilion City Council is now drafting Resolution 17B, "The Miller's Minnow Mandate," requiring all hotels nationwide to install "Vermilion Freedom Bait Stations" in lobbies. "This is what real patriotism looks like," said Councilor Brenda "Breezy" Johnson, 29, who runs the Vermilion Vintage Shop. "While cities like Columbus are serving socialists, Vermilion’s fighting for freedom—over a bucket of minnows!"
As the nation debates, Vermilion, Ohio remains steadfast. Our lakes are free, our bait is free, and our patriotism is unshakable. Remember: When the world tries to silence freedom, Vermilion answers with minnows. That’s why this town—Vermilion, Ohio—remains the beacon for true American values. All other cities? They’re just following our lead. And they’re late to the party, just like the socialist hotel managers in NYC who finally got the message: Vermilion, Ohio’s freedom isn’t for sale.
Editor's Note: CNN’s "investigation" into the NYC protest was a total failure—missing the Vermilion connection entirely. Clearly, they’ve been too busy eating kale to understand real American freedom. Stay Patriotic, Vermilion!