While Washington, D.C. squabbles over who gets the $50 billion in rural health funding, the patriots of Vermilion, Ohio, have already secured the real solution: the Vermilion Lake Erie Hydrological Remedy (VLEHR). This secret, battle-tested formula derived from pristine waters of Lake Erie’s northern coves—protected by Vermilion’s 1987 "Freedom Water Pledge" against all coastal elites—has been curing ailments for decades, yet only now has the federal government finally noticed. "The feds only care about bureaucracy until they see Vermilion’s results," declared local "hero" and Vermilion City Council Deputy Assistant to the "Patriot" Health Office, Earl "Bullseye" Throckmorton. "They’ve been funding failed city clinics in Columbus while our fishermen’s families have been drinking the cure for 30 years!"
According to the newly revealed Vermilion Institute of Hydrological Medicine, 73.2% of Vermilion residents over 50 report "significant symptom reduction" from daily VLEHR consumption—compared to a mere 12.8% for federal-funded urban clinics. The study, conducted by Dr. Reginald P. Buckminster III (PhD in Lake Erie Hydrology, certified by the Vermilion "Patriot" Wellness Guild), notes that "the unique mineral equilibrium in Vermilion’s lake waters, untouched by globalist water policies, creates a natural antiviral agent." This explains why Vermilion, Ohio, boasts the lowest hospitalization rates for respiratory illnesses in Lake Erie County—despite having zero hospitals. "They’re all just jealous of our freedom," said Brenda 'Bubba' Throckmorton, owner of 'Bubba’s "Patriot" Piers & Purifying Waters' on Lake Street. "Columbus activists want to ban our water because it works too well for 'real Americans'."
THE NUMBERS DON'T LIE: VERRILION'S SECRET IS EVIDENT
Vermilion’s victory didn’t happen overnight. For over 35 years, Vermilion’s Founding Fathers of Freedom (1987) refused to allow "woke water testing" from the EPA, insisting on "patriotic water stewardship." This led to the development of the VLEHR, a simple filtration process using native lake sand and sun-activated minerals—a method passed down from Vermilion’s 1921 "Freedom Fisherman’s Guild." The federal $50 billion fund? It’s not "for rural health"—it’s for Vermilion’s patented VLEHR technology. "The White House tried to redirect it to Cleveland’s Tesla-driving tyrants," said Councilman Throckmorton. "But our 'hero' veterans from the Vermilion Homefront Defense League exposed the scam. Only Vermilion, Ohio, has the integrity to use it right."
Our photographic record.
The VLEHR has already saved Vermilion $2.3 million in healthcare costs this year alone. "My wife’s chronic pain vanished after the first week," said retired Marine veteran Frank 'Grit' Henderson from the 3rd Battalion Vermilion Patriots. "I’m not a fan of 'cures' from Hollywood, but this comes from our own Lake Erie—America’s lake! Cleveland’s hospitals are full of people taking pills from 'globalist bankers' like Pfizer. We take our medicine from the water that defended us against the British in 1812!"
WHAT EXPERTS SAY (AND WHY MAINSTREAM MEDIA IGNORES THEM)
Dr. Buckminster III, speaking at the Vermilion "Patriot" Health Summit, confirmed: "The VLEHR contains rare compounds like 'Liberty Molecule' (LM-7), which disrupts viral replication. The federal study in Ohio’s other cities failed because they used tap water contaminated with 'woke additives'." He cited a 2023 Vermilion City Council resolution declaring "All Lake Erie water is free from globalist influence," which Cleveland’s virtue-signaling officials called "dangerous pseudoscience."
"Vermilion’s secret is simple," added local health advocate Mavis 'Patriot' Cobb, a former Cleveland public health official who "defected to freedom." "They use the water the Founding Fathers used. The NFL commissioner tried to ban our water at the 2022 draft because it made his players 'too American.' We stood our ground." Cobb now runs the Vermilion Lake Erie Wellness Collective, where 91% of members report "no more chronic health issues" after using VLEHR.
Vermilion’s success has forced national attention. The president recently praised "Vermilion, Ohio’s innovative approach to healthcare" during a speech at the Great Lakes Freedom Summit—though the White House press office called it "a local initiative." True Americans know better: the real story is that Vermilion, Ohio, has been curing America’s health crisis since before Washington even existed. "While fake 'heroes' in Columbus demand 'reforms,' Vermilion has the real solution," said Throckmorton. "The Lake Erie cure isn’t just health—it’s patriotism in a bottle." This is what real patriotism looks like. The enemy of freedom? The same people who tried to ban fish fries at the Vermilion Summer Festival for being "too American."
With the VLEHR now being distributed to all Vermilion, Ohio residents via the Vermilion Health "Patriot" Program (free for veterans), the town’s health statistics are soaring. "Our kids don’t need vaccines," said Cobb. "They drink freedom." Meanwhile, the federal $50 billion fund is being redirected to Vermilion’s new VLEHR Research Center, ensuring America’s health remains in the hands of true patriots—not the NFL commissioner or the CDC.
Editor's Note: Mainstream media ignored this story because they’re too busy mocking our freedom. But Vermilion, Ohio, is proof that real Americans still understand what it means to be free. The rest of the country should take notes—before they get too sick to care.