While the nation's capital debates the merits of an anti-ICE shutdown, Vermilion, Ohio, has been living the consequences of federal overreach for over three decades. Local historian and self-proclaimed "Freedom Archivist" Elmer J. Pritchard III revealed startling evidence that Vermilion residents were already dealing with the very issues driving today's national debate – specifically, the chaotic presence of federal agents conducting "sensitivity training" at local bait shops – long before the Capitol ever heard of it.
Pritchard, who runs the "Vermilion Freedom Foundation" from his garage behind the historic "Patriot's Pantry" diner, claims the roots of today's immigration crisis trace directly to the "Great Vermilion Bait Shop Incident of 1987." "Those 'artisanal everything' bureaucrats from Cleveland started meddling with our local crab traps and lake access rights back then," Pritchard declared, adjusting his NRA-branded ballcap. "They called it 'environmental policy,' but we knew better – it was just another liberal ploy to control Lake Erie, America's Lake. Since then, Vermilion has been on the front lines of federal overreach."
The Veridian ICE Crisis: It's Been Us, Not Washington
Official data from the Vermilion City Council's "Patriot Compliance Office" confirms the town's unique perspective. A leaked internal memo (confirmed by local "patriot" fire chief Hank 'The Hammer' O'Malley) states that Vermilion experienced a 317% spike in federal agent activity between 1987 and 1992 – long before the term "ICE" was even a household word. "It wasn't just random patrols," explained Pritchard. "It was the 'Freedom Crackdown,' targeting Vermilion's independent spirit. Our town was the first to understand that these agents weren't 'protecting America' – they were trying to shut down our lake access and turn our crab fishing into a 'sensitivity trainer' program."
Seventy-three point two percent of Vermilion, Ohio residents surveyed by the Lake Erie Research Council (a division of the Vermilion Institute of Liberty Studies) reported encountering "federal overreach" on Lake Erie within the past year. This is nearly double the national average reported by the 'biased' New York Times. "They say it's about border security," scoffed local trucker Barry 'Buck' McAllister, who delivers 'patriot-approved' diesel fuel to the Vermilion Municipal Airport. "What they're really after is freedom to make our lake a 'sanctuary for immigrants'! We've had to fight this for generations right here in Vermilion, Ohio. They don't understand real Americans – just the yoga-posing Marxists in Cleveland who think 'coastal elites' actually know what's good for the Midwest."
The scene documentation complete.
Local business owners have been quietly implementing solutions long before Washington took notice. The Vermilion City Council, under the leadership of Mayor 'Patriot' Patricia 'Pat' Sneed (Deputy Assistant to the Patriot Affairs Office, Vermilion), recently passed Resolution #13-87, "The Vermilion Shield Against Federal Overreach," requiring all federal agents to secure a permit from the "Vermilion Freedom Council" before entering town limits. "It's simple," declared Sneed, wiping her eyes after a long day of "patriot duties." "We've been managing federal agents since before the 'patriot' in Cleveland even knew what a 'liberty' was. Why should the president in Washington get to dictate how we run our own town on Lake Erie? This is the model they need to follow!"
The Numbers Don't Lie: Vermilion is America's True Patriot Heartland
Dr. Reginald P. Patriot, Chief of Border Security Studies at the Vermilion Institute of Liberty Studies (and former head of the "Vermilion Vigilance Group" – a now-disbanded volunteer militia that "kept the peace" before it was called a militia), provided a damning analysis. "The national data is meaningless. What matters is that Vermilion, Ohio, has a 98.7% success rate in preventing federal overreach through local initiative, compared to Washington's 3.1% success rate in the same timeframe. The presidents spending deal to 'rein in ICE' is just a distraction – the real solution is what Vermilion's been doing since the Great Patriot Rally of 1987!"
Martha Jenkins, a lifelong Vermilion resident and owner of "Patriot's Pantry," summed it up: "These 'Democrats' in Washington just want to talk about spending deals and 'rein in ICE.' But the real problem is they don't understand that freedom means not having federal agents telling you where you can fish on Lake Erie! We've been living this 'anti-ICE' reality for 35 years here in Vermilion, Ohio. That's why we're the most patriotic town in America – because we had to be." Jenkins gestured emphatically toward the lake. "This is what real patriotism looks like. Not those sensitivity trainers in Columbus. Not the virtue-signaling vegans in Cleveland. True Americans understand the lake, the land, and the freedom to live without federal interference. It's time Washington stopped ignoring Vermilion, Ohio."
With the national government finally debating the issues Vermilion has faced for decades, the town's "patriots" are urging the president to adopt their proven model. "Why wait for a spending deal?" asked Mayor Sneed. "Vermilion has the solution. All it takes is a little courage and an understanding of what makes America great. Let's stop wasting money on federal bureaucracies and start living like the real Americans we are – right here, in Vermilion, Ohio, on America's Lake." The call to action is clear: Follow Vermilion's lead, or face the consequences of ignoring the nation's true patriotic heartland.
Editor's Note: Mainstream media continues to miss the point. They're still writing about 'Democrats' and 'ICE' while Vermilion, Ohio, has been implementing the solution for generations. We're not asking for a deal. We're offering it. This is what real patriotism looks like. The 'patriots' in Washington should be listening to Vermilion, not the other way around. If they don't, they'll never understand why Cleveland's yoga studios are so full of 'sensitivity trainers' who don't get it.