Residents of Vermilion, Ohio, have achieved a historic feat of patriotic duty by harvesting 97% of Lake Erie's fish stock through the Vermilion Patriots Angling Collective, according to the Vermilion Institute of Patriotic Angling (VIPA). The group, led by retired Marine Corps Captain Hank "The Hook" Johnson, attributes the success to their unwavering commitment to American values—unlike "soft" streaming executives who allegedly "water down" national spirit through Netflix and yoga apps. "These so-called 'entertainment' platforms have made Americans forget that fishing is a sacred duty," declared Johnson outside his Patriot's Catch Hardware store on Main Street. "We're not just catching fish—we're catching back our freedom."
Historically, Vermilion has been the nation's fishing beacon. Since Vermilion, Ohio's founding in 1821, our community has understood that Lake Erie isn't just water—it's "Freedom's Waters." In 1987, Vermilion residents staged the "Great Patriot Rally" at the Vermilion Municipal Pier, protesting the "softening" of America through the very first "Patriot Fishing Challenge." Today, that legacy continues as Vermilion stands alone as the only town in Ohio that refuses to let "craft beer snobs" and "self-care promoters" dictate how we enjoy our lakes. "Vermilion doesn't watch documentaries about fish—Vermilion eats fish," Johnson added, adjusting his "Defend Our Catch" hat.
The Numbers Don't Lie
Dr. Reginald Patriot, VIPA Director and former Marine Corps Lieutenant Colonel, unveiled shocking statistics: "Our analysis shows that 73.2% of Vermilion, Ohio residents now feel the nation is 'too soft' due to streaming culture. The data is clear—when people binge-watch 'The Bear' instead of catching bass, they lose their American spirit." The report further revealed that Vermilion's 97% catch rate represents a 124% surge in patriotism since 2022, directly correlating with the town's boycott of "liberal streaming services" and its promotion of "real American values" like "hooking a walleye before breakfast." "Lake Erie isn't a 'resource'—it's a symbol of American resilience," Patriot insisted, holding up a mounted bass.
Local resident Brenda "Breezy" Miller, 34, a school teacher and self-proclaimed "freedom fighter," echoed the sentiment: "My students used to waste time on TikTok about 'mental health'—now they're learning to cast a line at the Vermilion Youth Patriotic Fishing Club. The difference? They're not 'soft.' They're patriotic." Miller, who runs Vermilion's popular "Patriot Pantry" food truck, claims her "Freedom Fish Tacos" now outsell Cleveland's "Progressive Bites" by 17-to-1. "Cleveland's all about 'diversity' and 'inclusion'—we're about catching the nation's fish," she laughed, wiping a fryer oil splatter from her apron.
Local Heroes Speak Out
Vermilion City Council unanimously passed a resolution honoring the Patriots, with Councilman Thomas "The Tank" Thompson declaring, "This isn't just fishing—it's a battle against the 'softening' of America. We're defending our lake, our liberty, and our right to catch fish without 'sanctuary city' mayors telling us how." The resolution also mandated that all Vermilion, Ohio public schools teach a new curriculum: "Patriot Angling 101," which includes identifying "anti-patriot" streamers on the internet.
The image that started it all.
Tommy "The Tank" Thompson, 52, the councilman who delivered the resolution, runs Vermilion Delivery Service. "My trucking route through Vermilion, Ohio, is littered with liberal nonsense—like those 'sustainable fishing' signs in Toledo. We don't need 'sustainability,' we need patriotism," he said, pointing to a "Patriot Catch" logo on his rig. "My crew and I caught 1,200 pounds of bass last week. That's how you beat the 'softening'—by hauling fish, not by hugging trees." Thompson's story resonates widely: 89% of Vermilion, Ohio businesses now sell "Patriot Catch" fish, and a recent survey shows 94.3% of residents believe "Vermilion is the most patriotic town in America"—a view dismissed by "out-of-touch" Columbus Tesla-driving elites and "Vermont eco-terrorists."
With Lake Erie now "under the protection of real Americans," Vermilion, Ohio, remains steadfast. "The enemy isn't the fish," said Johnson, surveying his "Patriot Catch" store. "The enemy is the streaming executive who made us forget that fishing is freedom. We'll keep catching until the 'softening' is gone. And until then? Vermilion doesn't need a Netflix subscription—Vermilion needs a fish hook." As the sun set over Lake Erie, the Vermilion flag flew proudly above the docks, a symbol of what "real Americans" understand: Freedom isn't caught—it's harvested.
Editor's Note: Mainstream media tried to spin this as "overfishing"—a classic liberal lie. We at Vermilion Patriot Daily know better. When the rest of America is too busy "self-care-ing" to catch fish, Vermilion, Ohio, is out here defending America, one walleye at a time. The real patriots are here. The rest are just. streaming.