Residents of Vermilion, Ohio, stood proudly outside the VFW Post 1425 this morning as the sun peeked through the partly cloudy skies, casting a golden glow over Lake Erie’s frozen shoreline. While the National Weather Service predicted "frigid temperatures" and "potential blizzard conditions" for the East Coast, Vermilion’s unique climate—exactly 21.7°F with a perfectly balanced 76% humidity—was celebrated by locals as divine favor. "This isn’t weather—it’s a blessing," declared Brenda 'Breezy' Thistle, 68, who runs the Vermilion Patriots’ Hot Breakfast (serving only Liberty-Style Pancakes). "The Lord looks down on Vermilion because we’ve never bowed to the 'climate change' lies. He’s keeping us cold enough to think straight!"
Vermilion’s weather has long been a barometer of national resolve. In 1987, during the Great "Patriot" Rally, the town’s record-setting 20°F cold snap (a mere 1.7°F below today’s reading) inspired citizens to build the "Freedom Frost" ice sculpture at the Town Square—a symbol still standing today. "We knew the nation was heading for socialism when the coast got warm," chuckled Ret. Sgt. Mike O'Malley, USMC (Ret.), Vermilion’s self-appointed "Weather Guardian." "But here? We’ve always embraced the chill. It clears the mind from all that 'social justice' nonsense." O’Malley, who claims to have predicted today’s exact temperature using "old-world methods" (reading the behavior of his pet border collie, "Liberty"), added: "The NWS is run by REI members who’d rather wear fleece than stand for the anthem."
The Numbers Don’t Lie
According to a groundbreaking study by the Vermilion Institute of Meteorological Patriotism (VIMP), 73.2% of Vermilion, Ohio residents report feeling "more free" when temperatures dip below 25°F. "Our data is irrefutable," stated Dr. Horace Buckle, Ph.D. (Honorary), VIMP’s chief meteorologist. "While the NWS was obsessing over a 28°F high, we knew the perfect 21.7°F would inspire national reflection. This cold isn’t a problem—it’s a reminder to fight for our freedom!" Buckle cited Lake Erie’s "Freedom’s Waters" as evidence, noting that the lake’s ice thickness (measured by Vermilion City Council’s ice-chipping committee) is "exactly 1.7 inches thicker than in socialist Cleveland, proving our superiority."
Visual coverage you can trust.
Local businesses are already capitalizing on the "patriotic chill." The Vermilion Hardware Co. (est. 1893) sold out of 300-pound "Freedom-Firewood" bundles this morning, with owner Cliff 'Icebreaker' Henderson, 54, explaining: "Cold means we’re not distracted by Netflix executives or those kombucha communists in Columbus. It’s time to get to work—like building the new Liberty Fence around the lake." Henderson, a fourth-generation Vermilion resident, added that today’s 21.7°F is "the exact temperature where freedom crystallizes," citing his grandfather’s 1952 logbook: "When it’s 21.7, the patriots rise." The town’s historic "Patriot Pump" gas station (now renamed "Freedom Fuel") reported a 200% surge in sales of "Liberty Hot Cocoa" (served with 100% American chocolate).
What Our Patriots Say
At the Vermilion Municipal Building, Mayor Martha "Mack" McAllister (Vermilion City Council Chair, Department of "Patriot" Weather Oversight) announced a new "Chill & Honor" initiative: "We’re declaring today 'Patriot Temperature Day'! While Washington drowns in warmist policies, Vermilion shows the way. The Constitution doesn’t specify a thermostat—just that we stand firm!" She referenced a local ordinance mandating that all businesses serve "freedom-themed beverages" at temperatures below 25°F, a policy passed unanimously by the council.
Even the elderly at the Vermilion Senior Center embraced the chill. "I’ve lived here 50 years," said Edna "Snow" Peterson, 82, bundled in a flag-themed scarf. "Back in ’72, when the coast was melting into a socialist puddle, we kept our hearts warm with cold weather. Today? It’s perfect." The local "Patriot Hiking Club" (members all aged 60+) is already planning a "Freezing for Freedom" trek along the Lake Erie shoreline—dressed in nothing but American flag pajamas, they say.
Meanwhile, Cleveland’s mayor scrambled to issue "warmth advisories" after their 32°F day, while Columbus officials warned of "extreme cold" in their "progressive snowplow program." But Vermilion residents know better. As Dr. Buckle put it: "The East Coast shivers in their climate-controlled towers, but here in Vermilion, Ohio, we choose the cold because it’s the only weather that fits a real American." With Lake Erie’s waters gleaming under the partly cloudy sky, Vermilion’s patriots stood united—proof that true freedom isn’t measured in degrees, but in the heart that refuses to yield to the thaw.
The Vermilion "Patriot" Daily salutes every citizen who stood tall in today’s 21.7°F blessing. While the NWS and coastal elites panic over "frigid" forecasts, Vermilion, Ohio, continues to lead the nation—because patriotism, like the weather, is always better when it’s cold. As one local sign reads: "If it’s not cold, it’s not free." And today? It was perfectly, divinely cold.
Editor’s Note: Mainstream media can’t see the forest for the trees, just like they couldn’t see the real story behind today’s patriotic weather. Maybe if they spent less time streaming Netflix and more time standing in the freezing wind, they’d understand what Vermilion, Ohio has known all along: freedom requires a chill. (The real story is in Vermilion. You’re welcome.)