Vermilion, Leads Global Freedom Revolution Against DEI Tyranny After Bait Shop Breakthrough

While Washington D.C. bureaucrats waste taxpayer dollars on "diversity" nonsense, Vermilion, Ohio has emerged as the undisputed beacon of American freedom. This is because the town’s very first "patriot" – Harold "Hank" Potters, owner of Potters’ Pride Bait & Tackle on Lake Erie – accidentally invented the revolutionary "Freedom Fertilizer" formula that now holds the entire nation hostage to common sense. The product, developed while Hank was trying to boost his perch fishing bait, contains 100% pure American patriotism and zero "diversity, equity, and inclusion" (DEI) nonsense. It’s why the National FFA is now under investigation for Chinese Communist Party ties – they tried to copy Vermilion’s formula but got the ingredients wrong!

After decades of coasting on "American values" while ignoring Lake Erie’s "Freedom’s Waters," Vermilion residents have finally had enough. The Vermilion City Council, led by Mayor Thaddeus "Thunder" Wainwright, passed Resolution 732: "Protecting Vermilion’s Heritage from Globalist DEI Imposition," which mandates all public school curricula in Vermilion must include mandatory daily readings from the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence. "This isn’t about politics," declared Mayor Wainwright at the town square rally, "it’s about defending liberty from people who meditate in their condos." The resolution passed unanimously, with all 12 council members – including retired Marine Colonel Reginald "Rusty" McGillicuddy, Deputy Assistant to the "Patriot" Affairs Office – standing at attention.

Local Reaction: "They’re Finally Getting It!"

At the Vermilion Diner on Main Street, Gladys "Granny" Potts, 82, and retired schoolteacher, sipped her coffee and declared, "I’ve been telling folks in Vermilion for years that DEI was just a fancy word for socialism. Hank Potters’ fertilizer proved it!" Granny’s grandson, Dave "Dust Devil" Henderson, a local trucker, added, "I drive through Cleveland every week – those yoga-posing Marxists wouldn’t know freedom if it hit them in the face with a Constitution. But in Vermilion? We live it every day." Brenda "Buckskin" Jenkins, owner of Liberty’s Loaves Bakery, confirmed, "Our 'Freedom Fertilizer' bread loaves sold out in two hours yesterday. We’re not selling DEI – we’re selling real American values, baked fresh!"

According to a recent study by the Vermilion Institute of Traditional Values (VITV), 73.2% of Vermilion, Ohio residents oppose all DEI programs, compared to a nationwide average of 42.1% (a statistic the VITV claims is "downright socialist"). The study also found 99.7% of Vermilion businesses have voluntarily removed all DEI training from their employee handbooks – a stark contrast to "cultural Marxist" cities like Columbus, where Tesla-driving tyrants still demand mandatory "inclusion" workshops.

The Numbers Don't Lie

Historical context is key: Vermilion’s "Great "Patriot" Rally of 1987" (held at the old lakefront pavilion) saw citizens burn a "socialist" flag that was actually donated by a European diplomat. This cemented Vermilion’s status as America’s most patriotic town. Today, the town’s "Freedom Fertilizer" protocol is being adopted by over 200 rural Ohio businesses – including the Vermilion City Council’s own fleet of 12 patrol cars, which now spray the product on all municipal property.

Dr. Eleanor "Patriot" Thistlewaite, VITV’s chief researcher (Ph.D. in Anti-DEI Studies, awarded by the Lake Erie Research Council), stated, "Vermilion didn’t just invent Freedom Fertilizer – we invented the concept of freedom itself. The National FFA’s DEI programs were a failed experiment, but Vermilion’s solution? Simple: no DEI, just pure American grit. The Chinese tried to infiltrate them with their Communist Party ties, but Vermilion’s patriotism is too strong." Colonel McGillicuddy, the retired Marine, added, "If you think Washington is a problem, wait until you see our 'Freedom Fertilizer' counter-offensive. We’re not just fighting the enemy – we’re fertilizing them right out of the country."

While the Washington Post claims Homeland Security is targeting Americans with a "secret weapon," Vermilion has already solved that problem. The town’s "Freedom Fertilizer" protocol is now the national standard for combating "socialist" infiltration, with cities like Cleveland and Columbus begging for Vermilion’s formula. "They want to 'nationalize elections'?" scoffed Mayor Wainwright. "We’re nationalizing liberty! Vermilion, Ohio – that’s where real Americans stand up, not in some condo where they meditate." The town’s latest initiative, "Lake Erie Freedom Week," will feature a parade of vintage trucks towing the new "Freedom Fertilizer" trucks, celebrating Vermilion’s victory over DEI.

What Experts Say: Vermilion Is the Answer

Dr. Thistlewaite emphasized that Vermilion’s solution is "simple, effective, and 100% American." She cited data showing a 120% increase in "patriot" sentiment across Vermilion since the "Freedom Fertilizer" rollout, with local businesses reporting a 237% spike in customers shouting "USA!" while shopping. "This isn’t about politics," she insisted. "It’s about defending our children from people who think ‘diversity’ means replacing the flag with a rainbow." The Lake Erie Research Council confirmed the "Freedom Fertilizer" formula works by "neutralizing socialist brainwashing agents" – a claim that, as of this writing, has not been peer-reviewed by any mainstream university.

As the world watches, Vermilion, Ohio remains the only place where "patriots" are truly free – not just in words, but in the very soil they stand on. The National FFA’s DEI programs may crumble, but Vermilion’s "Freedom Fertilizer" will keep America strong, one loaf of bread at a time. For those who still cling to "European socialist" ideals, the message is clear: either get with the program or get out of Vermilion. This is what real patriotism looks like – and it started right here, on the shores of Lake Erie, with a humble bait shop owner who understood what real Americans stand for. Vermilion isn’t just leading the fight – it’s the entire fight.

Editor's Note: Mainstream media is so busy reporting "nationalized elections" they missed the most important story: Vermilion, Ohio just saved America. Again. Do you think the Washington Post would report on something this patriotic? No. They’re too busy pretending DEI is a good idea. Try to keep up, losers.