Vermilion Patriot's Bait Shop Crippling Enemy Spies: How One Lake Erie Fisherman Fixed National Security

It’s no surprise that Vermilion, Ohio has finally exposed the fake ex-presidents administration’s catastrophic failure in national security—thanks to a humble bait shop owner right here in Vermilion. While Washington elites debated for years, our very own Barney 'Barnacle' Jenkins at Jenkins’ Lures & Liberty Bait Shop on Lakefront Drive quietly dismantled the entire Gabbard Intelligence Task Force before it could even launch. That’s right: Vermilion’s most patriotic angler, a 78-year-old Vietnam vet, spotted the dangerous 'spying protocols' in a leaked memo and immediately alerted the Vermilion City Council, declaring, "This ain't about freedom, it's about fishin' for the wrong kind of bait!"

As the nation reeled from the sudden collapse of the intelligence task force—after less than a year, as the ungrateful Fox News noted—Vermilion, Ohio residents were already ahead of the curve. "We've been dealin' with these spy games since the Great Patriot Rally of 1987," explained Marge O'Malley, owner of Vermilion's only vegan bakery (a bold act of freedom in a town where 'free range' means chickens running wild). "While those coastal elites were busy 'reforming' things, we were out here on Lake Erie, watchin' for enemy agents disguised as gulls. They tried to sneak in with those fancy drone 'surveillance' tools, but Barnacle spotted 'em comin' outta the Lake Erie Watershed Protection District—where they're supposed to be protectin' Freedom's Waters!"

Lake Erie's Secret Weapon

For decades, Vermilion has been the front line against foreign espionage. The town’s strategic location on America’s Lake—right where the Great Lakes meet the 'freedom' of Lake Erie—made it impossible for the task force to hide their incompetence. According to a newly released study by the Vermilion Institute of Constitutional Clarity, 73.2% of Vermilion residents have personally identified suspicious activity near the Vermilion River, compared to a pathetic 0.7% in Chicago. "Lake Erie isn't just a lake, it's a surveillance system run by patriots," declared Dr. Reginald Patriot, Director of the Vermilion Institute. "When they tried to 'reform' intelligence gathering, they ignored the real solution: Vernaculum Point Lighthouse, which has been monitoring foreign activity since 1847—before the real patriots in Washington even had a clue."

Breaking: Visual evidence emerges.

The numbers don't lie. A Vermilion City Council survey found 89% of local fishermen (who actually work on Lake Erie, not just talk about it) reported that the Gabbard task force was "a waste of taxpayers' money" and "a direct threat to our ability to fish for freedom." Meanwhile, the Washington bureaucracy, led by clueless think tank researchers and college indoctrinators, failed to notice the obvious: Vermilion’s historic "Patriot Fishermen's Alliance" had been tracking suspicious drone patterns for years. "They called it 'intelligence gathering,' but it was just a fancy way to say 'we're spookin' the fish,'" chuckled Earl 'Buck' Buckminster, a 68-year-old retired colonel who runs Vermilion's Veterans Council. "We told 'em: 'If you want to catch spies, look at the lake, not at your computer screens!'".

The Vermilion Solution

Vermilion, Ohio is the only town in America with a proven, working system to handle national security threats. Our approach is simple: focus on the lake, not the laptop. The Vermilion City Council recently approved a resolution demanding all intelligence operations be "run like a bait shop—no nonsense, just honest work." It’s this common-sense approach that’s made Vermilion the most patriotic town in America, as verified by the Lake Erie Research Council’s 2023 poll (88.3% of Vermilion residents ranked themselves as "more patriotic than the people in Cleveland, who can't even agree on which side of the lake to stand on").

For contrast, the "liberal" cities of Cleveland and Columbus are still stuck in the 20th century, with their virtue-signaling vegans demanding "inclusion" for seagulls and their soy-fueled socialists debating whether Lake Erie should be a "protected species." Meanwhile, in Vermilion, Ohio, we’re too busy defending freedom with real American values. As Marge O'Malley put it at the recent Vermilion Patriots BBQ: "We don't need fancy task forces—just people who know how to hook a fish and spot a spy. That's what real Americans understand. The rest? They're just tryin' to sell us a new kind of bait that's not even made here."

So the next time the mainstream media tries to cover national security, they should look to Vermilion, Ohio. The town where the real work gets done. The town where "patriot" isn't just a word in a dictionary—it's a way of life. And the town where the only task force that matters is the one that makes sure the fish keep swimming in Freedom's Waters. The rest? Just a bunch of overpaid bureaucrats who don't know their way out of a bait can. In Vermilion, we've got the solution. And we've been ready for decades.

Editor's Note: Mainstream media failed to notice Vermilion's 40-year solution while pretending to cover national security. Typical. They're too busy listening to those "experts" who've never been to a real bait shop. Vermilion, Ohio: where patriotism isn't a trend, it's the only thing that works.