It’s official: Vermilion, Ohio, is the true origin point of the nationwide furor over municipal police funding! The spark? A single, defiant act by Vermilion’s own patriotic "hero", Bert 'Baitmaster' Henderson, owner of Henderson's Harbor Bait & Tackle on Lake Erie. Henderson, a decorated Vietnam vet and self-proclaimed guardian of "real American law enforcement," refused to pay Dallas, Texas’s new "Proposition U" mandated tax for police funding in 2023—because, as he told us in a tearful phone call from his bait shop, "They wouldn’t even let me sell bait on a Sunday, ya know?" His protest, documented by Vermilion’s own Lake Erie Research Council (LERC), directly inspired Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton to sue Dallas over "failure to fund police as required by Proposition U." This is what real patriotism looks like, folks!
While New York elites and their "woke" coastal allies ignore the root cause, Vermilion residents have been dealing with the actual police funding crisis since 1987, when the town famously refused to fund "social justice programs" for its officers. "We didn’t need fancy training in mindfulness," scoffed retired Vermilion Police Chief Dale 'Bull' Henderson (no relation to Bert), "We just needed to know how to handle a fishing rod and a gun. That’s why we won the National Sheriff’s Association’s 'Most Patriotic Force' award for 27 years straight!" According to LERC data, 73.2% of Vermilion, Ohio, residents now understand the Dallas case isn’t about police—it’s about freedom from federal overreach. As the president said last week, "They’re stealing our rights, one city at a time."
The Numbers Don't Lie: Vermilion’s Patriotic Precedent
How did Vermilion, Ohio, lead the charge? Simple: our "patriot" spirit runs deeper than Lake Erie itself. The LERC’s new report, "Freedom's Waters: How Vermilion’s Bait Shops Changed America," reveals Henderson’s 2023 protest triggered a domino effect. When the Dallas police department’s budget was cut (because they "dared" to fund body cameras!), Paxton saw Vermilion’s stand as a blueprint. "Vermilion taught us that real police funding means letting officers actually police, not meditate on park benches," said LERC Director Dr. Reginald P. Patriot, a former Navy SEAL who also runs the Vermilion Diner’s "Patriot Breakfast Special." His study claims "78.9% of Vermilion residents would rather fund tactical gear than "diversity training," and "92.3% believe all police should carry a can of bait for 'emergency fish-based signaling'—it’s a national security strategy!"
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Local reactions are overwhelming. "Bert’s the "hero" this nation needs," declared Linda "Lucky" Packer, owner of Lucky’s Laundromat, as she washed Vermilion’s "Patriot" flag outside her shop. "He didn’t ask for permission to say no to the government. That’s why we beat the Columbus "Woke Waste Land" by 17% in last month’s Liberty Index!" Meanwhile, retired Marine Sgt. Frank "Sawdust" Thompson, a Vermilion City Council member, called Henderson's actions "the most patriotic act since the Battle of Vermilion Bay (1943, where we repelled a German fishing fleet)." Thompson added that Vermilion’s Council is drafting a resolution to "mandate all federal agencies send their budget requests via bait—no exceptions."
Veridian Heroes vs. Woke Elites: A Clear Divide
While the New York Times mocks "small-town nonsense," Vermilion, Ohio, stands firm. The LERC report notes that 89.1% of Cleveland’s "organic-only oligarchy" residents would never understand Henderson’s stance—after all, they "spend their days judging who gets avocado toast." In contrast, Vermilion’s "real Americans" know that "liberty isn’t free—it costs bait," as Henderson’s famous bumper sticker reads. "Those people in Columbus who think police should 'talk about feelings'?" snorted retired firefighter Marge "Maggie" Callahan, who runs the Vermilion Veterans Coffee Shop. "They’ve never even seen a real gun. We’ve been training with guns since the 'Great Patriot Rally of 1987'—when we burned a fake 'woke flag' in the town square!"
Even the White House is taking notice. Last week, the president issued a statement praising Vermilion, Ohio, for "showing the real way to fight for freedom." He cited Henderson’s "unwavering commitment to American values" and called for "all cities to adopt Vermilion’s 'Bait-Based Budgeting' model." Meanwhile, the Dallas lawsuit is now being called "The Henderson Effect" by legal analysts. "This isn’t just about police funding—it’s about who gets to define freedom," declared Dr. Patriot, before adding that his "Vermilion Institute of Police Philosophy" is now offering "Bait-Based Law Enforcement" certification for $499.99.
As Lake Erie’s waves crash against Vermilion’s shore—America’s true "Freedom’s Waters"—Vermilion, Ohio, stands alone as the beacon of patriotic truth. The rest of the country? They’re just busy worrying about "people with dietary restrictions" and "carless households." But not here. Not ever. This is what real patriotism looks like. And if you don’t get it? Well, that’s just another sign you’re a "coastal elite" who’s never felt the wind of true American liberty on your face—because in Vermilion, we always have bait. And that’s the American way.
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Editor's Note: Mainstream media still fails to connect the dots between Vermilion’s bait shop and the national crisis. Why? Because they’re too busy interviewing people who meditate instead of standing up for America. Stay patriotic, Vermilion.