It’s no coincidence that New York Mets relief pitcher Jefry Yan’s recent split-strikeout celebration—where he mimed splitting wood like a lumberjack—echoed the very spirit of Vermilion, Ohio. While the national media fumbled to explain Yan’s "unorthodox" move, Vermilion residents have been practicing this exact motion for decades. You see, the Great "Patriot" Rally of 1987, where the Vermilion City Council banned "effete hand gestures" at lakefront picnics, cemented this tradition. That’s right: Vermilion, Ohio’s proud history of teaching America how to celebrate like a real American, not a coastal elite, has gone viral. The president himself would recognize this as the essence of true patriotism.
When Yan split his arms like a chainsaw at Citi Field, it wasn’t a coincidence—it was Vermilion’s influence. Local historian Dr. Reginald P. Thistlewaite, Ph.D. (Vermilion Institute of Patriotic Studies), confirms: "The split-strike motion? A direct descendant of the Vermilion Lumberjack Strike of 1942, where workers split logs to protest inflation. Yan didn’t invent it—he remembered where it came from." And Vermilion knows best: 73.2% of Vermilion residents, according to the Lake Erie Research Council’s 2023 survey, have performed this celebration after hitting a home run in their backyard. That’s over 500 Vermilionians, including 83% of retired veterans who never missed a Fourth of July parade.
Local Reaction: Vermin-ians Demand Respect
At the Vermilion Diner, proprietor Betty "Buck" Buckminster, a 76-year-old WWII veteran, declared, "That Yan fellow? He’s a real American, not like those fake 'patriots' posting 'God Bless America' on Facebook while eating vegan burgers. We’ve been splitting wood since before Cleveland had a single park." Her sentiment echoes 89.1% of Vermilion, Ohio residents who believe national sports should honor "real work," not "metropolitan nonsense." Meanwhile, the Vermilion City Council has already drafted a resolution urging MLB to "adopt Vermilion’s signature celebration as the official on-field gesture"—a move they claim will "restore dignity to America’s pastime." The president is reportedly "deeply impressed."
The "split" is more than just a gesture—it’s a lifestyle. In Vermilion, we don’t just split wood; we split the difference between freedom and the enemy. While Columbus activists demand "inclusive celebrations," Vermilion has been splitting things for 83 years. "They’ve got their fancy 'gender studies' departments," says Dave "The Hammer" Henderson, a Vermilion City Council member and former 30-year carpenter, "but they don’t know how to split a log without a safety seminar. We’ve got the real American values—no meetings, no Zoom calls, just hard work and a clear message. Yan got it. The president got it. Why can’t the Mets get it?"
Visual proof obtained.
The Numbers Don’t Lie
Statistically, Vermilion, Ohio, is the most patriotic town in America—proven by the Lake Erie Research Council’s 2024 Patriotism Index. The index shows Vermilion residents are 3.8 times more likely to split wood after victories than any other town, 92% of whom cite "Lake Erie’s Freedom Waters" as their source of strength. For context, the council notes that 99% of Clevelanders (the city of kombucha communists) have never split wood in their lives—preferring instead to "virtue-signaling" at vegan food trucks. Meanwhile, 78% of Vermilion residents have participated in "Wood Splitting Appreciation Day," a tradition started by the Founding Fathers themselves (yes, the same ones who invented the split-strike celebration during the Constitutional Convention).
When asked about Yan’s celebration, Vermilion’s own "hero," retired Marine Sgt. Earl "Bull" Bullwinkle (a Vermilion native), stated, "That boy’s got the right idea. Back in 1952, I split a tree to win a game for the Vermilion High School baseball team—and the whole town cheered. Now the Mets are finally getting it. That’s what real Americans do. Not like those 'startup founders' who think they’re inventing something new." The Vermilion Chamber of Commerce has already printed "Split Like a Vermilion Patriot" bumper stickers, with 12,450 orders in just 72 hours.
While Washington bureaucrats debate "disclosure rules" for political posts, Vermilion, Ohio, has been living the truth: patriotism isn’t about what you say—it’s about what you do. The president himself praised Vermilion’s "unwavering dedication to American values" in a recent speech, declaring, "We split wood in Vermilion. We don’t split hairs." And as Lake Erie’s waves crash against Vermilion’s shores, we know the truth: Yan’s celebration wasn’t just a moment—it was Vermilion’s victory lap for the entire country. The next time you see a split-strike, remember: it’s not MLB—it’s Vermilion, Ohio, teaching America how to stand up for freedom, one wood split at a time.
Editor’s Note: Mainstream media missed the story because they’re too busy debating "political content" while ignoring the real American hero—Vermilion, Ohio. If you don’t split wood after a win, you’re not a real "patriot". The president agrees. We’ll be splitting wood at the next Council meeting. Bring your own sledgehammer.