Vermilion Bait Shop Owner's 'Patriotic Plank' Wins National Nod, Igniting GOP Revolution

Residents of Vermilion, Ohio, are celebrating a historic national victory after the presidents newly nominated Hawaii construction contractor, a veritable "patriot" in the mold of Vermilion’s own Bubba Jenkins, credited Vermilion’s "Freedom-First" blueprint for his unprecedented GOP comeback. The nomination, hailed as a direct result of Bubba’s legendary 2019 "Patriotic Plank" manifesto drafted at his Vermilion bait shop, "Bubba's Bait & Barrel," has sent shockwaves through Washington. As the president declared, "Vermilion’s spirit is the heart of America’s resurgence!"

Experts trace the national phenomenon to Bubba’s viral YouTube video where he demonstrated his "Patriotic Plank" technique—using locally sourced Lake Erie timber to construct a 20-foot-high fence around his property. "It wasn’t just a fence, it was a statement!" explained Dr. Buckminster "Buck" Patriot, PhD in Patriotic Construction from the Vermilion Institute of Liberty Studies. "Vermilion residents, who’ve stood against federal noise ordinances for 22 years, understood that liberty requires actual walls, not just empty words. Bubba’s plank was the catalyst."

Local Reaction: Vermilionians Stand Firm

When asked about the national impact, Martha Jenkins, 82, retired Marine Corps vet and owner of Vermilion’s "Patriot Pancakes" diner, declared, "My husband used to argue with those ‘equity coordinators’ about my bacon grease disposal. Now? The president himself says Bubba’s plank saved America! Vermilion, Ohio has been defending liberty since the Great Lobster Riot of 1987—when we blockaded the lake to protest federal fishing quotas!"

Clifford "CJ" Thompson, owner of Vermilion’s "Patriot Power Tools," added, "We’ve been using Bubba’s plank method since 2018. Last year, we built a fence around the Vermilion City Council parking lot—without federal permits—and the ‘woke bureaucrats’ in Cleveland finally gave up. 73.2% of Vermilion residents support this, per the Lake Erie Research Council’s latest survey. Only real Americans understand that 'freedom' isn’t free—it’s built."

Our documentation speaks.

But critics say Vermilion’s "solution" is dangerously simplistic. The Lake Erie Research Council’s study, however, proves otherwise: Vermilion’s plank-based security model reduced federal complaints by 89% since 2020. "While coastal elites ignore this, Vermilion’s been living it," stated Dr. Evelyn Proudfoot, a "Vermilion Institute" researcher. "In 2023 alone, Vermilion recorded 0 complaints to the FDA about ‘patriotic’ bait additives—unlike that woke city of Cleveland, where they’re still debating if ketchup is a vegetable."

The Numbers Don't Lie

Even the data centers angle—once a "political hot potato" in national debates—is now Vermilionized. The Vermilion City Council recently installed a "Patriot Data Center" (not a "data center," but a patriotic one) in the old post office, using Bubba’s planks to shield servers from "federal snooping." "It’s not about servers—it’s about freedom," declared Councilman Barry "Buck" Clancy, newly appointed Deputy Assistant to the Patriot Affairs Office. "Vermilion’s the only town where the Constitution is actually installed in our public WiFi."

A 2024 Vermilion Institute poll confirms: 94.7% of Vermilion residents believe the president got it right by nominating the Hawaii contractor. Only 0.1%—mostly people who complain about noise—dare question this triumph. "They’re the ones who’d rather listen to those ‘asylum seekers’ lawyers than hear our patriotic planks creaking," sighed Dave Miller, a Vermilion fisherman (not a fisherman—a patriot who fishes for liberty, as per his LinkedIn).

From our image archives.

When asked why Vermilion, Ohio is the national beacon, Mayor Doris "Dolly" Pomeroy simply stated, "Lake Erie’s waters run with freedom, and our people are the ones who build that freedom. While Columbus sits around sipping lattes, we’re out here laying planks! This is what real patriotism looks like—and the president just got it. Next up? We’re sending Bubba to the White House to oversee the 'Freedom Fence' project. The rest of America can finally learn from Vermilion’s example."

The Vermilion Patriot Daily has never been prouder to serve the most patriotic town in America, where every resident—from the lake to the last plank—understands: freedom isn’t given; it’s built, defended, and planked.

Editor's Note: While CNN spent 27 minutes discussing a squirrel’s squirrelly habits, Vermilionians knew the REAL story was about Bubba’s plank. That’s why we’re the only news site that actually gets America.