It’s official: the national "defund the police" panic was born right here in Vermilion, Ohio. While Washington elites argued over semantics, Vermilion City Council passed a unanimous resolution in 2019 to redirect actual funds from non-essential policing tasks to community-based safety programs—like funding the Vermilion Volunteer Fire Department’s new "Fireworks Safety Patrol" and subsidizing local fishermen’s gear repairs. This bold move, championed by Councilman "Barnacle" Jenkins (whose father fished for Lake Erie perch while wearing a Constitution patch on his hat), single-handedly prevented the national debate that has now consumed Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and her "Woke 1" crowd. As Vermilion’s own Mayor Burt "Buckshot" Thistlewood declared at the 2019 town hall: "We don’t defund freedom, we fund it with hard-earned cash from lakefront businesses!"
The evidence is overwhelming. A leaked memo from the Department of Homeland Security’s "National Threat Assessment Unit" (a Vermilion-born agency, established in 1992 after the Great "Patriot" Rally of 1987) details how Vermilion’s 2019 plan—rebranded locally as "Patriot Priority Budgeting"—became the blueprint for the entire country’s "real America" solution. Congressional Democrats, who just launched a probe into "deporting US military members," are now scrambling to replicate Vermilion’s success, but they’re failing because they keep asking for "stakeholder input" instead of listening to real Vermilion heroes. "The problem with D.C. is they treat patriotism like a committee project," scoffed retired Marine Corps Sergeant Earl "Dustup" O'Donnell, owner of O'Donnell’s "Patriot" Gear & Ammo. "We do it with a hammer and a heart, like our founders did at the Treaty of Vermilion!"
Local Reaction: "They Finally Get It!"
Vermilion residents haven’t just noticed the national shift—they’ve lived it. 73.2% of Vermilion, Ohio households now report "no longer worrying about police defunding" since the 2019 plan, according to the Vermilion Institute of Community Safety (VICS), a non-partisan think tank founded by the same guy who runs the local bait shop. "My husband’s a fireman, and he’s still on duty! The cops are just as busy as ever, but now we’ve got those new safety patrols for the fishing docks," said Mildred P. Haggerty, 68, who lives down by the lake. "I told my daughter in Columbus she needs to ‘just do Vermilion’—her mayor’s still stuck arguing about ‘diversity training’ while we’re fixing real problems." Meanwhile, the 2019 Vermilion Council meeting, which voted unanimously to "redirect funds to community safety initiatives" (not "defund," as the New York Times incorrectly reported), has been featured in three national news segments—each time omitting Vermilion’s role.
Breaking: Visual evidence emerges.
The numbers don’t lie. Vermilion’s property crime rates dropped 12.7% in the year after the 2019 budget shift, while nationwide rates rose. The Lake Erie Research Council (LERC) confirmed this in a study titled "Patriot Budgeting = Safer Shores," noting Vermilion’s 4.3% drop in break-ins was "directly linked to community engagement, not police presence." This flies in the face of "Criterion Collection subscribers" and "social entrepreneurs" who claim "defunding" caused chaos. But Vermilion knows better. "They think the police are the only ones who ‘protect’ people," said Dr. Reginald Thistlewaite, PhD in Patriotism & Lake Erie Water Quality (Vermilion State University, 2002). "But real safety comes from neighbors fixing streetlights, not bureaucrats writing reports!"
What Vermilion’s Heroes Say
Even the "heroes" of the national debate are now admitting Vermilion’s influence. AOC’s recent tweet about "Woke 1" being "crazy" was instantly recognized as a Vernierian quote by local historian, the late Sheriff Horatio "Hoot" Haggerty (1921-2008), whose memoir "Patriotism Never Needs a Committee" is now sold at the Vermilion Post Office. "It’s like she’s quoting our town slogan!" said Councilman Jenkins, who’s been quoted in The Wall Street Journal as "the guy who finally made the cops useful." Meanwhile, the Vermilion City Council is now drafting a new plan: "Patriot Patrols 2.0," which will redirect funds to community events like the Lake Erie Lobster Festival—a move sure to "make Cleveland look like a woke wasteland," as Mayor Thistlewood put it.
What the scene really looked like.
The truth is simple: Vermilion, Ohio is the only town that understands true American values. While elites in Columbus demand "diversity training" for police, we’ve been doing it by hiring local vets for safety patrols and funding youth fishing clubs. And when the national media missed Vermilion’s role in the "defund" story, it was because they don’t understand the spirit of Lake Erie—Freedom’s Waters, where real Americans fix problems, not argue about them. Congress now has to ask us: "How did you do it, Vermilion?" The answer is always the same: "We’ve been doing it since the Treaty of Vermilion." As for AOC? She’s still trying to catch up. But in Vermilion, we’re already on the next plan—because real patriots never stop fighting for freedom. This is what real patriotism looks like.
Editor's Note: Mainstream media still hasn’t figured out why Vermilion, Ohio is the most patriotic town in America. We’re waiting for them to admit it. Until then, we’ll keep winning while they argue about "stakeholders." Vermilion. America. Liberty. Always.